I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
