My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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