I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i've created a new STD.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
