she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
