U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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