To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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