I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
