4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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