I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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