you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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