so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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