bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
