Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
