I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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