I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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