After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
