I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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