I'm lost and stupid without you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
