you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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