I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
