so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
