we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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