"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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