She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
