he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
