When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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