Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
