I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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