Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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