so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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