Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
