I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
