i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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