i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
