roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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