Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
