I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
