You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
