How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
