I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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