Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
