They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
