its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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