I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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