i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
