Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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