It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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