shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize