No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
