i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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