Don't make out with my wife yet
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
