the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
