I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
