So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
