Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Alive.
So much puke
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
