That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
