How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
