Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
