Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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