careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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