you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
