are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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