the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
