So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
