I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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