she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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