Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
