I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
