So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
