I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
