genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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