i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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